Have you ever seen or been in a situation where you wished you had a camera because if you did then you could send it in and win the $25,000.00 grand prize?  Well this was one of those times I hope you enjoy my embarrassment.

When you first get married you work hard to try and impress your in-laws, my farther in law was a self employed mechanic and cattle rancher.  So my wife and I was visiting her parents for the weekend, and my farther-in-law had a couple of cows that had calved; and he needed to get them up and milk the cows because their teat’s had swollen to large that the calves couldn’t get the teat’s in their mouths.  Now don’t ask me how this happens I have no idea, I’m not a  vet and I’m not sure if this was actually a situation or if my new in-laws where setting me up, so keep this in mind as you finish reading my story.  My father-in-law told me the plan was to catch the calves and for me and my brother-in-law to hold them in the back of a truck.  So plan was all going well we caught the calves and drove them to the holding pen, after arrival there, my father-in-law told us to pick up the calves and carry them into the pen where the squeeze shoot.  Now to answer your question a squeeze shoot is a device that they put cattle into which restrains the cow/bull allowing the rancher to do what ever it is that is needing to be done.  In our case he was going to milk the cows and that was supposed to reduce the size of the teat’s and then I guess allow the calves to nurse from then on.  I don’t know I was just trying to impress remember….

So my brother-in-law and I each grab a calf and start into the holding corral, now my brother-in-law calf was laying still just chilling.  Mine I think mine had had a double espresso cause it went completely nuts, now before I tell you this next part what I write I swear is completely the truth no exaggeration in any sense of the word.  So as I said as I was carrying this calf to the holding pen starting going nuts, my hands are full and about three steps into the trip my pants fell to my feet and to top it off this calf unloaded this runny manure all down my side.  My father and brother in-law’s start laughing to the point they are crying.  I can’t do anything but stand there with cow crap running down my side can’t walk can’t pull my pants up because if I do I would have to put this calf down which defeats the whole purpose.  I wish I had a movie camera because then at least I could have been paid.